


A Varren for Christmas

by ArchangelsTalons



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: #masseffectsecretsanta, Bare with me people, I can't even, Loads of references, Me3 Citadel dlc spoilers, shitfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 17:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5506862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArchangelsTalons/pseuds/ArchangelsTalons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In reasonable short format:</p><p>Shepard gets a pet, Garrus disagrees. Jane is mad, and goes for a drink. Turns out that said pet isn't as bad as it seems to be, but don't tell Jane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Varren for Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> A little thing I did for the Mass Effect secret Santa on Tumblr. 
> 
> Funnily enough, this is my first ever Mass Effect Fanfic. So if it's shit, totally blame me because I done goofed.

"Shepard, no''  
  
'' _Garrus_.''  
  
''Jane-'' He sighed. ''This seriously isn't a good idea.'' He pointed at the small creature in Shepard's arms. " _It_ is going to be trouble.''  
  
''Garrus! He is not an _it._ ''  
  
''Shepard, you are kidding right? You can't barge into the nearest shop and claim the first thing you see.'' Garrus rubbed the back of his neck. He walked over too the edge of the sofa and sat on it. ''I get it that you want to walk the first steps. The problem is, you are not walking, you are sprinting.''  
  
''Seriously Garrus, you talk to me like I stole him! And for the record, I didn't.''  
  
Garrus made a sound of displeasure but didn't peruse the matter. ''And how are you going to care for it, hm? You are busy all day, I am busy all day.'' His mandibles clicked as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.  
  
''He is coming with us, of course!'' Shepard exclaimed. ''It will be all kinds of fun Garrus! You'll love him, here.'' She practically ran over and pressed the Varren in his arms.   
Garrus pulled his his mandibles tight to his face. This... creature was staring him down with its - his - big eyes, it was unsettling. ''Shepard, where did you get him anyway?'' He said as he held the Varren away from him.   
  
''I got him-, wait why do you care? We are _not_  bringing him back.'' She said harshly. ''He is staying, even if you don't like him.''  
  
Garrus sat the Varren on the floor and held his hands up in surrender. ''Fine, fine have it your way.''   
  
The little Varren was running around Shepard's legs before it returned to Garrus, and fell asleep between his legs.  
  
''See look at him! He likes you Garrus, even if you don't.'' _ouch_. And with that she walked away. ''I am going out with Jack and Liara, I'll be back late tonight.''  
  
Right, he definitely messed up there. He dragged his hand over his face and sighed. _10 points to Garrus_. He thought.   
  
The door slammed shut and Garrus flinched involuntarily. _crap_. He messed up real good. He looked down and saw the little creature staring up to him with it's blue beady eyes. Wait, no, _his_ blue beady eyes.   
  
''What? It's all your fault, just so that you know.'' He said and the Varren growled in response. ''Come on, I need to get supplies and I do not trust you here with my stuff.''  
  
The little Varren was already up and at the door before Garrus could even finish his sentence. He wagged his little tail and walked around in circles in front of the door.  
  
''Yea, yea we're going. Calm down.'' He grabbed his pistol and his credit chit and made for the door.   
It was late at night but the Citadel was still alive and kicking, the station that never slept. ''Right so, you need a name. And since our fearless commander isn't here right now, it is up too me!'' He clasped his hands together and strolled down to the lift. ''I thought about Gellix, a Turian planet but Shepard would probably skin me and use my hide to make fashion statement.'' He sighed. ''I can see it already; 'Famous specter uses lover's hide as a cloak, sets new fashion statement!'''  
  
Garrus shook his head. _this is going to be interesting_.   
  
It was ridiculously busy at the Presidium, like incredibly busy. It was as if the entire Citadel decided they needed to shop right _now_! Garrus didn't like crowds, he had to deal with them a lot as a C sec officer but that didn't mean he enjoyed them one bit. Luckily people made a wide berth once they saw the company Garrus had. Although some still dared to come and exalt the Turian rebel, and then Gellix ran after them, teeth nearly in their asses.  
He really needed to change the Varren's name, Gellix wasn't going to work, at all. Maybe something more human? Right, like that was going to work. Shepard would probably call it Crunch or Nibbles, quite the names for such a creature.   
Eventually Garrus settled for Eezo as the name for his little... friend, yes _friend_. ''Okay Eezo, we have to get some Levo food and something for us to eat tonight. I though about some Dextro-friendly noodles, since Shepard won't be coming home anytime soon.''   
  
Garrus didn't get noodles that often, they usually cooked themselves. Shepard was a big fan of it, said it ''reminded her of the Turian language''. Jane was also a big Sushi person, but that changed after she fell through a giant fish tank in the best Sushi place on the Citadel. Garrus tried talking about it, but she insisted that they talked about it ''later'', well ''later'' never happened. She went of running after that damned clone of her and that traitor Brooks. He was glad he got to shoot her after she tried to escape, she got what was coming for her.   
  
They walked past a shop with little useless trinkets but something caught his eye. He walked into the shop with Eezo on his six and quickly found what he was looking for.  
  
''Ah yes, one of our finest works yet.'' An Asari saleswoman said as she sauntered over. ''Is is a design based on the Omega station myth; 'Archangel'. It was said he had died on the station after taking a gunship missile to his face.'' _Well they weren't that far off_. The Asari grabbed the ring from its protective casing and handed it over to him. Little did she know she handed the ring to the actual Archangel.  
  
He had to be honest, they had done an amazing job. The design was more than accurate, it even held his logo. He gave it a good look over, twirling it carefully between his thick talons.  
  
''I'll take it.'' He said, not really realizing what he was doing.  
  
''I-I what?'' The Asari stammered, not at all prepared for that answer.  
  
''Didn't you hear me? I wish to purchase this ring.'' Garrus growled. It was a ring meant for him after all, who cared about the price. Okay, he was probably going to regret it later. A vigilante salary wasn't going to pay for this at all, but that was just a minor detail, a minor-not-so-minor detail.  
  
''R-right away, sir.'' She grabbed the ring and hurried over to the counter, where she neatly packed the ring in a box with a small bow on it.  
  
Garrus didn't even look as he paid for the ring, he probably would regret it immediately if he saw what this ring was going to cost him. It would be worth it though, hopefully.  
  
Right, hopefully he wouldn't be side tracked again. He headed over to his favourite take away, which would take absolutely forever. Being on the other side of the Citadel was maybe not his best idea, but hey, it killed the time. And he had lots of it. Walking would take a long time, but he could't just get a Skycar. They would never let him in with Eezo.  
Eezo had no issues with the long walk, he happily trotted behind Garrus. This was like a giant walk for him, he was in Varren heaven. Now the only thing he needed was someone to chase.  
  
That was it. Garrus would never ever walk this route again, ever.  
  
A silent 'Fwik' and a low growl for Eezo was all he needed to hear before he ducked behind the nearest cover in the deserted alley. Garrus readied his pistol, it was a remake of the pistol Shepard stole from one of her assaulters when her clone was on the loose. He was going to blow their brains out.  
  
Garrus spotted a ladder up to the roof, if he's fast enough he could get up there and shoot whoever is planning on shooting him. He sprinted up the ladder and climbed as fast as he could. A bullet embed itself in the wall next to him.  
  
''Oh now you're just fighting dirty.''  
  
As soon as he was up on the roof he ducked for the first cover he saw. If he was going to die, it wouldn't be when he just stepped of a ladder.  
He peered over the cover and spotted his target, he was on the other building. Not that that would cause any issues. He aimed quick and fired a round through the human's head. ''Scoped and dropped.'' He exclaimed.  
A whimper brought his gaze back down to the alley floor.  
  
''Oh crap, sorry Eezo.'' Garrus called out to the Varren below him. ''I'll be back shortly, you just wait there like a good boy.''  
  
Eezo yawned lazily and sat down out of sight. At least he knew what he was doing.  
  
Garrus made his way over to the other building to check the body out. Clean head shot, what a surprise. No gang signs or other indication. Just an idiot with a gun.   
  
He made his way back down and called Eezo over to follow him.   
_No more dark alleys_. He thought to himself.  
They quickly made it back to the civilized world full of people. If there were more of them they probably would't risk going head on with so many witnesses.  
Garrus activated his omnitool and messaged Shepard.  
  
**[01:34]**  
_Jane -G_  
  
**[01:39]**  
_I don't want to talk to you -J_  
  
**[01:41]**  
_Jane, please. Hear me out -G_  
  
**[01:45]**  
_Okay, let's hear it -J_  
  
**[01:46]**  
_Can we meet? I'd rather tell you this is person -G_  
  
**[01:48]**  
_Fine, I'm at our favourite noodle place -J_  
  
  
Of course she would be there. She couldn't pass up the noodles, just like him. Booze and noodles was just the way both of them liked it.  
Garrus practically ran to the restaurant. His hand on his pistol, its safety off, just in case.  
He arrived panting heavily, hands on his knees as he bent forward. It was further than he remembered.  
  
''Garrus?'' Jane said in surprise. ''You... ran?''  
  
Garrus held up a finger, telling her to give him a moment. He straightened after a few moments. ''I-''  
  
''I hope you came to apologize.''  
  
''I- what? Jane now is no-''  
  
The stare said enough. ''I am waiting Garrus.'' _Oh Spirits why_.  
  
He let out a deep sigh. ''I apologize Jane.'' Garrus looked up. _Crap, she's still staring_. ''And... I won't call Eezo an it again.'' _Spirits, he felt so embarrassed._  
  
''Please, Shepard, we need to talk. Can you plea-''  
  
''Wait, you called our Varren Eezo?'' _Oh dear here it comes_.  
  
_''_ Jane! Please, listen to me!'' Garrus exclaimed. By the stare she gave him he had her attention. ''I was attacked on the way here.'' That definitely had her attention.  
  
''Yea, long story. It was a lone human. Young, no training and no known alliances.''   
  
Jane stood up from her chair, grabbed his hand and stalked off. Once far enough away she turned to him. ''I left you alone for 4 hours.'' She began. ''Why were you out anyway?''  
  
''Needed to get food. And I was in the mood for some noodles, seems you had the same idea.'' Garrus said as he rolled out his neck, he hated how it got stiff so easily. ''Not to mention, I took Eezo out for a walk. He's not so bad, nicely trained.''  
  
A small smile worked its way onto Jane's face. ''Okay, new plan. Let's head home, gear up and investigate this. Nobody shoots at my sniper and gets away with it.'' She was already heading in the direction of their apartment.  
  
**Her** sniper. He thought with a smile. He jogged after her with Eezo in tow.  
  
''Let's show them what happens when you mess with the Normandy crew.'' Jane said with a grin.  
  
''Aye commander.''

 And he never remembered to give her the ring


End file.
